Yup! That’s right, self-promotion! We here at Vitamin C4 believe, at least for those I am sitting next to, it’s a dog-eat-dog kinda world. So, if you’re going to get eaten- eat yourself – or, at least allow others to eat you when you are ripe. 

I am writing to you today to inform you about my, Austin Hartman, other sites that are in congruence with this site (in the incestuous kinda way of being from Santa Cruz). 

1) Nobody Poops But You
A webcomic that is a children’s story for adults. It is broken up into four chapters, two of which are currently available, and are not actually suitable for children.
Written by Austin Hartman & illustrated by Sir Tyler Benjamin Speas
sample art/pages:

2) Austin’s Comics & Blog
That’s right! I’ve got a site/blog in which I post my comics/doodles/drawings and more! I can’t explain much more other then that. But here is a taste of what’s on the site:

Alright. Check out the sites. (sorry Ethan, sorry Hiram. I guess I shouldn’t have been given the password for the site)

Nothing beats finding out one of your new favorite bands is playing a “secret show” at a tiny record shop for FREE. And the news just got better and better. The show was officially announced a few hours before it started, but in a small town such as ours word gets around fast. To top it off, word on the street was Zach Hill is now the drummer for WAVVES. Holy shit. I had to work that night but managed to swing getting an hour off to run over to Metamusic and see the show. I got there just in time to get a perfect spot and let my eyes adjust to the red lighting before they started.

It was so loud, there was so much feed back and it was so awesome. They announced it was the first show they had played with the current line-up and yes, I now have like hella scene points. (Is that still a valid form of street cred currency? Was it ever? I’ll have to check with my editor.)

Okay, this is the part where I’m all like “Zach Hill is amazing, blah blah blah and how challenging it must be for him to play in 4/4 and so on. And that Nathan Williams was playing his guitar like a (noun) from (place) and his vocals sounded like (verb) with a (object) on a (animal).” I am just gonna stop and go do laundry. Journalism was never really my thing.

Hiram Coffee

Well it’s summer again, so here’s another amusing checklist.

Fire extinguisher
I really shouldn’t have to explain this one. Leftover fireworks. Drunken hipster BBQs. Flaming couches. Flaming machetes. Your beat up car overheating and bursting into flames. These are all very real and sometimes funny threats that will put you, your house, your friends and furniture in jeopardy.

Rush Inn drink tokens
I know you have a few and chances are you’re going to need to cash them in.

Warm Clothes
Santa Cruz Nights can be deceptively cold at times.

A working bicycle
Most of us have put this off for a long time, but it’s time to mount up and drunkenly run into inanimate objects.

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
The blood god is always going to need blood. This summer is no exception.

Bike helmet
Your brain is soft and mushy.

Coffee Places that are 3/4 of a mile from your house
If you’re (f)under-employed & sedentary like me, you can definitely appreciate the allure of having somewhere to walk to in the late morning. The Abbey may have mediocre, over-priced coffee, but it’s just the right distance from my house to get my blood moving and snap me out of the Firefly marathon that could easily consume my entire afternoon. Tomorrow I check out the news stand on Mission for the first time. Having goals is awesome!

Vacations
Hiram & I (Ethan) recently fled Santa Cruz for the sweltering relief of Davis. We lounged around in cut-offs, baring our pasty limbs to anonymous strangers instead of to cute girls we would run into at the bar later. Allegedly some screen-printing got done, and a vicious black widow was slain with a hammer, and I lost at Munchkin.

We also jaunted up to the Yuba River and climbed up-river through boulders & water-slides until I got tired and almost threw a tantrum… then beyond. We ended up at a 20-foot-rock that we all jumped off of, and there was much jubilation. I fell a whole bunch of times, once really hard onto a rock that looked like a goomba from Super Mario Bros. I was pretty concerned that I had fallen onto my liver and was probably going to die, but it just left a wicked bruise that healed from the center outward so that for a few days I looked like I had gotten a hickey from a Fraggle, and now it’s almost gone.

Austin didn’t get to go because he’s not on our insurance, by which I mean he was at Comic Con taking shots with famous authors and jump-starting his writing/film-making career. Sucks to be him.

Have a wonderful rest of your summer, everyone!
Check back soon to learn about more must-have summer life-savers that we forgot.

There I was. Enjoying iced tea and reading on my porch on a sunny afternoon. I took a shower at around six and headed downtown to grab a beer. Here’s where the plan falls apart.

6:30 Find Bryn drinking alone on the back porch of Pergolesi. Join him

6:50 Grab Bryn and head over to the Cypress Lounge for a sick art punk show

7:00 Burritos

7:20 The Screaming Females kick off the show. So good! This three piece from Philly destroyed. The lead guitarist/singer was this tiny girl that could fucking shred like a metal god.

7:45 More beer.

8:00 Shellshag, a cute couple that could beat the living shit out of any boyfriend/girlfriend band. Taking an interesting approach to drums, they rocked out so hard that you wanted to get what ever drugs they might be on.

8:50 The Cysts, part of some weird thrash scene revival that i was unaware of until then. I probably would have really liked them if i wasn’t distracted by a cute girl. (not Bryn).

9:20 We all got are dance on with Abe Vigoda. This is the second time I’ve had the pleasure of seeing them and they do not disappoint one bit. Last time I saw them they had a tape for sale of their new album Skeleton which a promptly bought and has been in heavy rotation in the truck stereo.

10:00 The show is over but one is about to start at Santa Cruz’s newest venue, The Parish Public House. And we’re off! I hop in a friends car and give up on having a nice quiet night at home.

10:15 We arrive at our destination to find the show hasn’t started yet. More beer! We grab a six pack and head over to a friend’s house on Dufour.

10:25 Three cute girls decide to shotgun beers.

10:26 Hilarity ensues. Having three cans of bud left and one fancy beer and our ranks having swelled to five we stand in a circle pounding the rest in rapid succession always passing the beer to an empty hand.

10:45 We head back to the show to find an opening band none of us are very interested in. We continue to chain smoke and shoot the shit.

10:55 After giving away all my cigarettes (I can never say no to a pretty lady even if there is four of them) I run over to the liquor store to resupply and somehow ended up with a cute little bottle Bushmill’s.

11:20 Oh my god. Botron starts playing. Imagine three kinda dirty punk kids playing the most perfect, schizophrenic mix of psych rock, metal, math rock and good ol’ southern rock. Hell yeah. Also this girl would not stop spitting on her boyfriend then performed drunken CPR on a Safeway security guard. WTFuck.

12:20 ish. Trying to figure what’s next we buy more booze and end up at my house.

Here’s where things start to get a little hazy.

1:00 I never went to college, but most of my friends did. So i have never played this drinking game Kings Cup.

1:30 I’m really drunk. And smoking inside.

2:00 More friends show up and my house mates come to investigate and end up part of the game. I am no longer wearing shoes at this point as a result of swearing like a sailor. Don’t ask.

3:00 my room smells like a fucking bar, but there is half a watermelon. Yay!!

3:30 DANCE PARTY!! the game has been abandoned due to lack of beer. I’m gonna go ahead and say that it was probably a good thing.

3:50 Jay-Z, strobe lights, animal masks, suits, ties, ladies, gentlemen, headdresses, whiskey, jacket related injuries (i’m really sorry about your eyebrow..)

4:30 The people start to filter out, and we start to clean up a bit.

4:50 “Want to watch True Blood??” “Sure!”

Sunrise.

Hooray for S.O.N.S. 09′

-Hiram Coffee (I’m a fucking journalist!)

 This posting is for both Friday (7/24) and Saturday (7/25) at the 2009 San Diego Comic Con. First and foremost I would like to apologize for not posting an article everyday as I had promised, but things were happening into the late hours of the night and started in the wee hours of the morning. And, if you had read the previous article, for Thursday (7/24), you will have noticed I wrote under the influence which was another deterrent for me to write each article at night. I could attempt to edit the Thursday article, but Ethan forbids it so it will serve as a reminder of what happens when you write while heavily intoxicated.

[That makes it sound like writing while drunk is a bad thing, which may be true, but such sentiments are expressly prohibited by Vitamin C4 bylaws. The previous article was posted unedited because of our deeply-held belief that it is not the "what", but the "how" and the "why" that truly make for great journalism. If you're at Comic Con and you're totally blotto and possibly writing wearing a complimentary Tim & Eric t-shirt and nothing else, then you do your readers a dis-service by pretending otherwise. That and it's funny to make Austin squirm. -- Ethan]

So instead of editing I will just make notes to develop some of the things that happened Thursday.

THURSDAY (7/23):

For the Cartoon Network: Chowder/Misadventures of Flapjacks/Adventure Time panel. Things got scary for a moment because the line was exceedingly long and I feared I was not going to get in and meet Pendelton Ward, creator of Adventure Time and artist of Flapjack, with whom I have been in correspondence for two years. At last, I entered the panel and saw Pen on stage, just sitting there, so I made a direct line toward him. I approached and introduced myself in person and he responded with a sincere greeting. We chatted for a few, caught up on things, took a picture, and then he gave me a t-shirt for a knock-off of his own show (it reads: Bad Denture Rhyme), and a Comic Con exclusive interactive comic book. Very funny stuff. The panel itself discussed the future of all of the aforementioned cartoons with clips and previews of all the shows. While Adventure Time (series to be released in 2010) did not have clips, Pen took us through the storyboards of the first episode in which he included funny voices and sounds.

FRIDAY (7/24):

I ride early in the morning in order to arrive with no complications, or waiting, for the Battlestar Galactica: The Plan/Caprica panel. In order to do so, my friend Stacey and I got into the panel room early and caught the preview for the new Stargate Universe series. Starring Robert Carlyle, the show looks to be the best in the Stargate canon. After this nice surprise, the big event was here! The panel consisted of a moderator, Ronald D. Moore, David Eick, Edward James Olmos, Jane Espensen, and Esai Morales. Later in the panel they introduced a special panel guest – Grace Park. The content of the panel itself gave previews of the new show Caprica, released 1/22/10, and BSG: The Plan, scheduled to come out this fall. They also talked about the possibility of expanding the BSG universe further, and so much more.

Then I got lunch and a beer. That was nice.

I refueled and went back for the Mighty Boosh panel. But, because they are now so popular in the US, Jamaica, Stacey, Rebecca and myself sat through the two panels prior. The first was for a new science fiction television series that I did not care for, so much so I’ve forgotten the name. Then was the spotlight panel of Stan Freberg who was a famous voice actor and comedian from the 50’s to now. Some of his work includes the Looney Tunes cartoon The Three Little Bops, The United States of America: The Early Years, and so much more. He turned out to be an amazing old man that had amazing stories to tell, good jokes, and hilarious voices. Then it was time for the Boosh!

These guys are just as funny, if not funnier, in real life – especially Rich Fulcher (Bob Fossil). They talked about the creation of the show, the process by which they create the episodes and characters, and finally the future of the show. Sadly, they did not offer much insider information as to the future of the show other then saying there is one…. Good enough for me.

And now for the exciting part: Jamaica and I took a shot of whiskey with Warren Ellis.

Here’s how it happened: This was something I had been planning for quite some time. On his website a week before the con he solicited that people do not bring him bottles of whiskey because it has happened several times in the past but he has to get on an airplane shortly after the con. So, I thought it would be a clever idea to bring him a shot instead of a whole bottle (’cause I wanted to drink it – duh). So Jamaica and I got in line right after the Boosh panel, which was quite long, and almost didn’t make the cut. They originally capped the line several people ahead of us but moved it back to be a couple of people behind us. We had carefully planned out exactly how we were going to execute it and what we were going to say. When we finally approached him, Jamaica and I introduced ourselves (even though he already knew of Jamaica), and then casually asked if he would like to take a shot of whiskey, to which he responded: “Absolutely!”

Jamaica threw up the shot glasses while I quickly got the bottle out and poured the shots, posed for a picture, and then took our shots. It was amazing. It was right in the middle of the Marvel booth where they do not allow alcohol. We were so suave and smooth.

The rest of the night was the mighty Mighty Boosh party held at 4th & B, the same venue as the Vice/Gwar show. They performed, the entire cast, for about two hours. And it was hilarious and vulgar. Following the performance they put on a DJ playlist that turned into a massive dance party (that Pen Ward was also at). When we got out of the party I saw Jackson Publick and Doc Hammer. Last year I had supposedly been creepy (well, I was drunk) to them, and I guess I did something similar this year. I asked him, Jackson, if they all wanted to come back to our room and drink more booze. He laughed and kindly declined.

So I went back and drank more with my companions.

End of night.

SATURDAY (7/25)

This was my last full day at the con, and it did not disappoint. I was kind of burnt out on the floor which was perfect because Tim and Eric was performing in the park for the Adult Swim AwesomeCon ’09 which was about a ten minute walk from the convention center. On the way to the show we saw a booth next to a boat that read: “Casting”. So we inquired and discovered that Titmouse Productions was casting for a reality television show about animators, artists, and writers. We were shocked and excited but were also in a rush to catch AwesomeCon. So when we arrived at the show they were hilarious! With contests and karaoke. Some douche-bag even won an hour-long jet-ski ride with Tim and Eric. I also met Richard Dunn.

So on the way back we stopped back at the casting boat and applied. Once on the boat they asked us questions and they seemed to like both Jamaica and I a lot. We pitched a show together followed by an extended audition on the deck of the boat with the casting director where we both got to pitch more ideas. Fingers crossed on this one! Seriously.

After this I raced back to the convention center for the Venture Brothers panel. THIS WAS AMAZING! They showed an extended trailer for season 4, briefly talked about it, and then opened the floor up to questions from the audience. I took a deep breath and made a run for the microphone. I went to the mic and quickly apologized for being creepy last night (to Jackson), after which Doc asked where the hell he was because he would have gladly come over, then he thought he was going to wake up naked in my hotel room and not remember the night before. I responded by telling him that is exactly what would have happened. They laughed, and I laughed too. We also get to see Dean’s penis in the new season.

Austin & Rebecca with Jackson Publick

Following this amazingly hilarious panel I found myself at the final True Blood party, and definitely the biggest. Again, with copious amounts of free beer, they added free Skyy vodka and Tru Blood drinks, gave out shots, and actual bottles of Tru Blood. They also had a screen where you could get your picture taken with “Bill”. SEVERAL, and I mean more then several, drinks later it was off to the hotel room to party more with my motley crew of rugged adventurers!

SUNDAY (7/26)

Damn it, I just drove all day long. Boring.

In conclusion I had a blast this year, yet it also gave me a great feeling of motivation regarding my own career. I took so much from it and I was very grateful to of had the opportunity to go to the Con as well as do all of the things I did. Thank you for reading these posts and I hope to see you down there next year!

Much geek love,
Austin <3man.

P.S. There is discussion of moving the Con to Las Vegas in 2012. Your thoughts?

“[sic] x ∞” –Ethan

This morning opened with two eggs over easy, two slices of Canadian bacons, sourdough toast, one mimosa, and one cup of coffee – not to mention the small handful of cigarettes. Walking with Jamaica to the con, as she had to be at work to sign her books, I planned out my day.

I returned to the Adult Swim booth to find an employee of the company with whom I needed to discuss the submission of my own television show. I found her, and that was neat. I even introduced myself and seemed all professional.

After this exciting development in my career as a budding writer, I walked the floor looking for freebies and insider scoops. This is what I found in one word:

ifoundclipsfromgijoe,thatsethgreenisthegreenhornetandthatAMCisremakingtheprisoner.

Following the floor prowl I headed towards the “Entertainment Weekly: Wonder Woman – the woman in power in sci-fi” panel. The panel itself consisted of some guy who was an editor for Entertainment Weekly, Eliza Dushku (Bring It On, Dollhouse), Zoe Saldana (Star Trek-09, Avatar), Sigourney Weaver (Alien, Ghostbusters), and Elizabeth Mitchell (LOST, Nurse Betty). They discussed the ways in which Science Fiction has always been far more progressive as a genre, but also as a platform for the development of feminism and gender equality. It was quite an amazing experience to hear Sigourney discuss the ways in which she approached the famous action hero Ripley and how it was written to be a male character, or how Zoe discussed the ways in which film, in the recent decades, has found a way to transform the African American and Feminine discourse in the commercialized film market. That was an amazing panel.

Then I got a tall-can and a couple of quesadillas.

Woot-Woot. This is one of my favorite parts: I met Pendelton Ward (creator of Adventure Times & artist of The Misadventures of Flapjack). I had written to Pen a couple of years ago after I got a tattoo of his AT characer. He gave me a free t-shirt and recently, and limited, comic book. My heart melted a little bit.

This is the part of the segment where it gets weird.

I went to a True Blood Party, turns out all of the beers were free and they handed out several free items. Several beers later, my friends and I continued to hunt down the remaining missing pint glasses from the collection. I felt slightly tipsy, and the bartender had tattoos in his ears; Stacey had a crush on him. I continued my journey with the motley crew that I travel and we had found ourselves committed to going to a Vice Magazine sponsored GWAR performance for the new Jack Black voiced video game Brutal Legend. With an even more continuous flow of free alcohol, and exclusive clips and demos from the game, I saw numerous people, unaffiliated from the con, really drunk. Then, a friend of mine bequeathed a bit of knowledge onto me that confirmed my suspicions about nerd and geeks being better drinkers:

“You know why nerds and geeks are better drinkers? They know long division.”
Gideon

Well another amazing day had passed and it was everything I had hoped for thus far. Stay tuned daily to twitter.com/arhartman for frequent updates or check back here 24 hours from when you are reading this now. [Whoops – Ethan]

Tomorrow is…

• The Mighty Boosh party
• BSG/Caprica panel
• and taking a shot of whiskey with Warren Ellis (hopefully)

love and unicorns,
Austin <3man

Hello True Believers[1],

Today kicked off the first day of San Diego Comic Con (SDCC) 2009, and oh what a joy it has been. While today was more of a travel day, it has been nothing but productive. Before my SDCC journal continues another day forth, I would like to admit that this is not only a forum for me to include you, the reader, in the newest and coolest information in the popular culture, but is also a place where I regale you with my adventures, and misadventures, at this year’s con.

To start if off, while I was on the road, I had ample time to interview up and coming independent comic book creator, as well as former Santa Cruz resident, Jamaica Dyer. Below is the following interview:

Austin (A): So, how’s the art and stuff?

Jamaica (J): It’s going all right. I just finished with Weird Fishes[2] and working in animation, so everything is art right now. It’s awesome.

A: Being as specific as possible, how many fans do you think you have?

J: 100+ fans on twitter, but half of them are spam bots. But I get 100-700 hits a day on my site.

A: Alan Moore or Warren Ellis?

J: I think I’ll say Warren Ellis because I think he’d kick my butt otherwise. But The Mindscape of Alan Moore is amazing.

A: Do you think poop & other bodily functions should be more accepted into the greater public discourse?

J: I think it should be accepted. ‘Poop’ is funny. We should get a government official saying it.

A: Have you pooped today? (this interview was conducted around 11:30am)

J: (laughs) I have not!

A: What are you looking forward to the most at the con?

J: Really excited about meeting the Mighty Boosh. That was a deal breaker.

A: If you could say one thing to all the readers at VitaminC4.com, what would you say?

J: (there is a long silence) To get all your readers to get a commission from me. I’ll be doing an art sale with ETSY[3].

A: What are your plans for the future?

J: I have a few things I’m working on now. I’m working on a children’s story that will probably be a comic. Also working on a college ‘coming-of-age’ story, and I’m also looking into doing an iPhone-based comic.

Following this interview, and a nine hour drive, came the grand check-in to the St. Jame Ramada hotel. But it gets better!

Jamaica and I continued with our opening day events that included getting our badges and a couple of margaritas at Fred’s Mexican Café. Yum.

The real excitement came when we went to preview night. This was the real blast because it is probably the most packed night on the floor, and also the most exhilarating. There are so many new sights and wonders to see and take in. The preview night itself was kicked-off with us walking directly to the Adult Swim booth, which to our surprise was extremely basic and consisted of a wall with a hole in it saying “free”. I placed my hand into this mystery hole and found my hand removing a free William Street messenger bag. Whoa! Also, still a tipsy (kids, don’t drink).

Following this wonderful surprise of a free durable khaki bag, I continued to walk to the floor collecting as many free things as I could. But, the big surprises I found on the floor were the over-abundance of New Moon and District 9 propaganda. While I think District 9 will be a wonderful film, I fully disregard fans of Twilight (really, why don’t you just watch True Blood – there are boobs and foul language!).

The rest of the evening consisted of acquainting myself with the floor so I could have a fuller idea of where I want to be later the week.

Once Jamaica and I left preview night we proceeded outside to find a number of scantily clad women passing out flyers for a True Blood party. Whoa. I am there in a heartbeat! After this discovery I continued to drink heavily. Which reminds me…. there are only three bars that carry Fernet in downtown San Diego. BOGUS! But it is my mission to find all three and report back to you, the loyal reader, as to the specific locations of Fernet-friendly bars in SD.

THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO:

• Pen Ward/Adventure Time Panel
• True Blood Party
• Battle Star Galactica/Caprica Panel
• Tim & Eric live performance
• The Mighty Boosh Party

….oh shit. Just keep reading. There is too much to list.

Love,
Austin <3man

Jamaica Dyer:
http://jamaicad.com/

[1] See Stan Lee famous introduction.
[2] http//www.slgcomic.com/
[3] http://www.etsy.com/

Also, Senior Fanboy Correspondent

He loves comics!! So much!! and Harry Potter. And X-Men. and regular men. Cats (as in kittens, not the play. Although I’m not so sure now.), Battlestar Galactica, Star Wars, and so on. He also does not have a password to our wordpress, he has to earn it in the THUNDERDOME! Honestly I don’t think he could hack it, he wears glasses because his eyes are weak like his heart. But don’t tell him I told you.

That’s right! At the end of the month I, Austin Hartman, will be traveling to the southern end of California, for the wonderful Comic Con International Comic Book Convention in San Diego! I will be giving you a day-to-day update on news in comic books and film, cool pictures of all the celebs, and tales of my own drunken misadventures as I attempt to drink with as many writers, artists, and actors as I can. Who knows, I might even get a quick interview, or get a famous person to say something swell about Vitamin C4.

Regardless, starting July 22nd lasting to July 26th, I will be giving you the Comic Con insiders scoop so that you too can be informed on all the upcoming pop culture coolness!

Stay tuned, keep reading, and you’ll be hearing from me soon!

Austin <3-man